Funny Health News Articles

Health

Disgruntled Obama Now Considering Death Panels

angry-obamaAfter weeks of diligently beating back unsubstantiated rumors of government run “death panels” which would dictate the fates of the elderly, President Barack Obama today signaled that he is now open to the idea.

Speaking to an AP reporter after a particularly…

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Sarah Palin Checks Into Rehab; Last Six Months Suddenly Make Sense

sarah-palin-dumbWasilla, AK – Political observers were briefly surprised on Sunday when Alaska Governor Sarah Palin checked herself into a rehabilitation clinic for an undisclosed number of narcotics in Wasilla, Alaska.

“This is shocking, completely shocking,” began CNN contributor Melinda Torres. “Well, actually,…

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Defibrillation!

defibrillator, some rights reserved, http://flickr.com/photos/gradin/3361527/ and http://flickr.com/photos/ddaarryynn/522885793/Jersey City, NJ – In eternal wise-guy fashion, regular riders of the PATH train have adapted the emergency defibrillators recently installed in their stations to a wide variety of uses.

The PATH train, which stands for Port Authority Trans-Hudson Corporation, is a…

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What Happens in Vegas Gets Named After Vegas Hotel

Las Vegas Hotel Baby, some rights reserved, http://flickr.com/photos/geoffbelknap/390528566/ and http://flickr.com/photos/amynkassam/2699516867/Las Vegas, NV – Not everything that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Often, the evidence of a no-holds-barred, wild Vegas night is birthed into the world some nine months later. A growing number of these children are now being named after…

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Rabbits Converge on Manhattan, Eat Carrots, Leave

bunny rabbits, some rights reserved, http://flickr.com/photos/halans/190505287/New York City, NY – 5th and Broadway, the usually bustling thoroughfare of Manhattan, is silent to today. Sounds of taxi’s honking, people talking, music playing – the area’s typical soundtrack – is today muffled by the soft fur of hundreds of…

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Pet Life Insurance Ring Sent to Doghouse

sad kidnapped puppies, some rights reserved, http://flickr.com/photos/backpackphotography/300409107/San Antonio, TX – Investigators pulled the kitty litter out from under a major pet life insurance scamming ring earlier this week, sending 12 men to prison and over 50 lucky animals to nice, respectable homes across the state.

Operating out of…

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Radiation Studies: Night Vision Relatively New in Cats

night vision active in cat, some rights reserved, http://flickr.com/photos/quikchange/23058418/Washington, D.C. – A study released Monday has reported some shocking findings regarding your feline friend. Cats, common knowledge tells us, have the ability to see in almost total darkness. Their eyes are adapted in a way that gives them night

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DNA Test Kits Go Mobile

DNA test, some rights reserved, http://flickr.com/photos/gravitywave/7715395/Chicago, IL – “Have you checked out the new vending machine in the break room?” your co-worker asks. “No,” you say and ask, “Why?” “It’s weird,” he replies. “How so?” you inquire. “I can’t even explain it, man,” he replies. “C’mon,”

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Move Over Botox

Burbank, CA – Desperate, overly wealthy women across the greater Los Angeles area are throwing down their botox needles and picking up a little baggie of white powder. And though yes, cocaine is trendy again, this chalky substance won’t make you dance…

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City to Introduce Virus Protection Computer Condoms

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – City officials unveiled a plan Wednesday to cut down on the number of computers infected with viruses by making computer condoms free to the public.

Very similar to the condoms we all know and love, computer condoms will…

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Random Post

Government Auctions Off White House Collectors’ Items

garage sale in washington DC, some rights reserved, http://flickr.com/photos/mpmb/130488864/Washington, D.C. – The Federal Government finally seems to have caught on to some of our Main Street logic. The White House announced on Tuesday of last week that in an attempt to raise $700 billion dollars to bail out our crumbling…

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