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Treasure Secretary Timothy Geithner Asks Congress to Make World of Warcraft Gold into Legal Currency

wowgoldExplaining that “our currency has become deflated and inconstant,” Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner shocked political observers today by asking congress to make World of Warcraft gold into legal currency.

“World of Warcraft has an economy that is strong and trustworthy, and attaching our economy to this one is an important step in getting our country back on track,” explained Geithner. “By marrying the dollar to World of Warcraft gold, we may be able to achieve the economic strength enjoyed by Dwarven Miners, or the Blood Elves.”

Geithner asked that congress move quickly on this proposal, as “a delay of even a month could endanger our recovery, and doom us to the economic status of the tree dwelling Night Elves.”

Geithner’s proposal has been met with mixed responses. Democrats, by in large, seem to support Geithner’s plan, while Republicans have signaled opposition.

“This is nothing but wealth redistribution,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. “Nearly all of World of Warcraft wealth is held by the nations poorest 5%. Making World of Warcraft Gold into legal tender is part of a radical socialist agenda that we must stop at all costs.”

Former Speaker Dennis Hastert agreed, adding “Geithner’s proposal is dangerous, and makes us staggeringly vulnerable to foreign interests. Significant amounts of World of Warcraft Gold is owned by Korea – legitimizing this currency could make us as weak as a level 4 Druid. Geithner is such a n00b.”

Republicans are not alone in their opposition to Geithner. Although most gamers welcomed Geithner’s plan, many World of Warcraft veterans have voiced concern over the legalization of World of Warcraft gold.

Said level 75 Gnome Mage Pom Pom: “This new recovery plan will permanently damage the World of Warcraft economy, and is an infringement on the rights of WOW players. World of Warcraft gold is much more valuable than the American dollar, and equating the two through an unfair law will cause significant unrest. Not even a million dollars can buy +3 enchanted shoulder pads, which run only 500 in World of Warcraft gold.”

Nonetheless, in spite of criticism from the right and from the virtual, most political observers say that Geithner’s plan is bound to pass through congress quickly.

“It’s important to remember how popular President Obama still is, and how desperate many in congress are to take action – any action,” said University of Michigan Political Science Professor Gary Vanderbuilt. “Nobody knows what to do, which means any and every idea is attractive. And I think that the plan is bound to get a few Republican crossovers voting for it, as both Senators Arlen Specter and Sam Brownback are huge gamers, with significant amounts to gain.

Geithner, for his part, stands by his plan and is confidant it will pass.

“Getting out of this economic rut is not going to be easy,” he told Congress. “But it is with bold action that we will do so. We cannot improve the economy with business as usual and economic Band-Aids any more than we can defeat a mega boss demon by just healing all the time. We need to approve this bold action now, and become the level 80 nation that we fully capable of being. Also, fuck the Horde.”

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