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Government Auctions Off White House Collectors’ Items

garage sale in washington DC, some rights reserved,, D.C. – The Federal Government finally seems to have caught on to some of our Main Street logic. The White House announced on Tuesday of last week that in an attempt to raise $700 billion dollars to bail out our crumbling financial institutions, they would have a good old fashioned yard sale. The announcement came as a bit of a shock to the media, mostly because it wasn’t actually announced. Instead, hand-lettered signs just started appearing, reading: “$$$ YARD SALE $$$ Saturday 10/4/08 PENN AVE -→” What appeared to be a joke at first turned out out be quite true, as Saturday the White House lawn became covered in tarps and card tables and bins marked “50 cents.”

Tourists, press core, and elected officials alike milled about in the crisp D.C. sun, holding up dresses once worn by Nancy Reagan, Eleanor Roosevelt or J. Edgar Hoover. White House collectibles were carefully laid out over what appeared to be miles and miles of tables. Among the items of interest: a first edition copy of Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret with “G.W.B.” on the inside cover, a phallic butter dish, The Bubba Gump Shrimp Cookbook, Happy Days: the Complete Series on VHS, an eight-track player, a rusted bicycle with sidecar, an impressive gun collection, a mug reading “World’s Greatest Prez,” and a 1960s version of Twister, missing the spinner.

For those looking for something really special, an auction was held on the South Lawn late Saturday evening. The special government auction items were said to include: fake nails worn by Marilyn Monroe while singing to President Kennedy, a chunk of the Berlin Wall and a box of unmarked tapes stamped “DESTROY.”

All in attendence appeared to be having a great time and one photographer even spotted presidential hopeful John McCain haggling over an Eagles Greatest Hits album. No word yet on how much money the sale pulled in.

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