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Lawyer Moves From Wall St. to Main St. to Catalpa Rd.

moving from wall street, some rights reservedProvidence, RI – Each of successful lawyer Ron Griswold’s moves during the past decade have bizarrely mirrored the rhetoric of our two prospective presidential candidates. Having started his East Coast life on Wall St. and then moved to Main St., Griswold’s recent move to Catalpa Rd. in Providence has prompted speculation about what new metaphorical street may come up in the final weeks of the campaign.

During the first presidential debate, Obama introduced a metaphor for America’s economic situation into the rhetoric of the campaign. We need to stop focusing on Wall St., the Democratic candidate said, and instead spend our energy on fixing Main St. In the metaphor, Wall St. stands for the large greedy corporations and banks that Obama believes have gotten us into this godawful financial mess, while Main St. represents the American middle class, who he says he will help. McCain was quick to latch onto the metaphor and attempt to make it his own. The metaphor has quickly saturated the media and a discussion of the two candidate’s economic policies is now basically unfeasible without the clever, home-down phrase.

As with all such catchphrases in our fast-paced political feeding frenzy, the Wall St./Main St. metaphor is quickly losing potency. When it surfaced yesterday that successful lawyer Ron Griswold’s moving pattern had exactly precluded the language of Obama’s metaphor, pundits began wondering if Griswold’s latest move – to Catalpa Rd. – might be incorporated into the game.

“I think we can see a clear pattern emerging,” said Wülf Blitzen of CNN. “Our political experts have assured my teleprompter writers that the mention of Wall St. brings to mind the corruption behind our financial crisis and the mention of Main St. makes one think of the middle class and the American Dream. Should Catalpa Rd. be incorporated into the metaphor, it is harder to say what it would mean at the moment without Obama having directly explained it to us, but the majority opinion is that it would relate to our nation’s failing education system as Catalpa Rd. is a mere few blocks from Brown University.”

Regardless of what Catalpa Rd. might mean should it be included in the metaphor, pundits are stumped as to how the metaphor came to mirror successful lawyer Ron Griswold’s life. A typical conversation about the GMS (Griwsold Metaphor Situation) occurred last night on Fox News’ Hannity and Colmes.

“It’s possible that it might be a coincidence,” said Alan Colmes, the liberal half of the political commentary show, to which his right-wing counterpart Hannity loudly retorted, “No it’s not, you moron.”

“Everything in this campaign is done for a very specific reason,” Hannity continued. “Now I don’t know exactly why Obama has latched onto successful lawyer Ron Griswold, but I can assure you that I will keep you awake every night, Colmes, by slapping your face with bologna until I find out the truth about this liberal conspiracy.” In response, Colmes chuckled lightly and leaned back in his chair.

Not everyone is so openly baffled by the GMS. For political analyst Bryce Williams, the fact that the two candidates rhetoric mirrors successful lawyer Ron Griswold’s home locations is no big secret.

“I think what people are forgetting is that Ron has been a close friend and associate of both Obama and McCain for many years. He is a Wall St. lawyer, after all.”

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