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Mick Jagger Declared International Chubby Bunny Champion

mick jagger, chubby bunny, some rights reserved, http://flickr.com/photos/cinematography/2249818527/Sacramento, CA – Say what you will, Sir Mick is at the top of his game and the 65-year-old rock icon proved it yesterday by shoving 43 extra-puff marshmallows into his mouth at once: more than any other human on the planet.

The third annual Chubby Bunny Championship took place in Arco Arena before a sold-out crowd and was the first truly international contest of such nature. Besides Mr. Jagger, there were delegations from Mexico, Canada, Australia and Japan. Ushering in a new era of professional eating competitions, the CBC boasted an impressive lineup of competitors, which included Sir Mick, Takeru Kobayashi of hot-dog eating fame, and Steven Tyler, the large-lipped frontman of Aerosmith.

The competitors present at the finals had already made it through two days of rounds designed to whittle down the list of competitors from 300 to ten. While anyone was welcome to compete, all eyes were firmly fixed on Mr. Kobayashi and the rock ‘n roll royalty. Going into the final round, all three were at roughly the same level, having all managed at one point to contain 35 marshmallows in their mouths while still able to say the words “Chubby Bunny.”

“The athleticism of these eaters is astounding,” says Del Rogers, a sports reporter for local news KRCA. “It’s clear just by watching Takeru warm up that he is a dedicated eater and it’s amazing what a guy like him was able to do by sheer will-power. But in the end, it comes down to physiology. His mouth is just smaller than either Mick Jagger’s or Steven Tyler’s and he got knocked out pretty quickly.”

By the time they were at Competition Marshmallow 30, the two rock legends were the only competitors left and remained locked in heated battle. The stage was set up so that the two competitors faced each other. In front of each of them was a small table with a bowl of marshmallows and each took turns putting a marshmallow in their mouths and saying “chubby bunny.” On the big screen in the middle of the arena, you could see the intense glares in each man’s eyes, daring the other match him.

“It was the most exciting thing, like, ever,” says Jim Benson, 11. “I couldn’t believe how big their mouths were. My dad said it was because both of them have spent so many years singing and stuff and that stretched their mouths out.”

“I got pretty worried for them,” says Delores Santos. “It’s not like either of them are young men anymore and you could see it was a great strain for them. I’d heard about people dying in contests like this because they couldn’t breathe with so many marshmallows in their throats. I didn’t worry too much because I saw the fire department was there just in case.”

Although Mr. Jagger faltered with marshmallow 41, nearly spitting soggy, half-chewed marshmallows all over the referee, he regained his composure and came back to a great roar from the crowd. With each successive shout of “chubby bunny,” the singers executed their trademark dance moves, spinning around and twirling the myriad scarves each wore for the occasion. Sir Jagger knocked Mr. Tyler out of the competition with marshmallow 43.

“OW OO IKE E OW UDDER-UCKERR?” Jagger shouted, thankfully with enough marshmallows in his mouth as to not offend parents of small children with his vulgar language. Spinning around and attempting to do the splits, Sir Jagger could no longer contain the marshmallows and they exploded from his mouth into the VIP section which was in front of the stage. Both singers required assistance clearing the blockage in their throats, but once recovered they were not visibly shaken. The two then embraced like old friends and sang an acapella version of “Start Me Up,” a hit by Jagger’s band The Rolling Stones.

Officials from Arco Arena say they were very pleased with the event.

“We haven’t even been able to sell out a King’s game for a few years, but the Chubby Bunny Championship was packed and people were actually scalping tickets for about 120 bucks a pop,” says Walt Whiteman, a spokesman for the sports stadium. “It was an exciting event and we’re happy to have been a part of it.”

Wicked Cow Entertainment, managers for Takeru Kobayashi, say that they’re proud of what he did for his first Chubby Bunny Competition, but that he’ll be improved for the next competition.

“Takeru is not a holder,” says Ward Holgaluffer, a spokesman for Wicked Cow. “His technique is designed for getting foods through his mouth and his throat very quickly, not holding it there. But now he’s going to work on some new skills and cheek-widening exercises. We’re hoping to see Mr. Jagger back here next year.”

Although a statement like that certainly puts Wicked Cow’s representative in the running, for now it seems clear to this reporter – and to the world – just who has got the biggest mouth.

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