You are here: Funny News » Opinion

Op/Ed: Franny and Freddy Don’t Have Student Loans!

by Edith Falin

Wasilla, AK — I should start by thanking Nonsensical News for giving me this column. A housewife and mother of five, such as myself, can get a little bored once all the sweeping is done, doncha know. It’s so nice to sit down with my glass of wine and do a little typing at the old typewriter. So. Back to my topic. I guess the newspaper wanted a woman’s opinion about old Franny and Freddy. Well, I may be a simple lady with small town values but I will tell you this: I believe small towns provide the backbone of America and the U.S. of A.’s economy. Franny and Freddy. These are not American names. They sound a little European to me. And I never trust Europe with all their loose women and Communist health care.

So, why are we even talking about something that isn’t American? Last time I checked, this was America and we didn’t waste no airwaves on Pinko Commie Frenchies. Nonetheless, here we are, in this sorry state. So. The federal government, the very same one that wants to abort our babies, marry gays, protect illegals and give ‘em health care and free schooling, and tax us til we’re blue in the face, is bailing out corporations or something. Now, why are we giving our hard earned money to European corporations when we have hard working American-born folks like you and me that can barely afford their mortgages?

My cousin Sue has been working the same gosh darn job at the flag pole factory for seventeen gosh darn years. She goes to work every day, rain or shine, to screw those little decorative eagles on the tops of flag poles. Now if that isn’t American pride, I don’t know what is. She does alright, she puts clothes on her kids and food in stomachs, but I tell you, she was at the Wal-Mart yesterday and they denied her check card.

So I’m thinking about poor (literally now) Sue as I get my SUV and little Tucker had – God bless him- changed the radio station in my car from Top 40 (I love that Brittany Spears music, but Lord child, does she need to pray. I just blame the parents, I do.) So instead of my bouncy Brittany I am listening to the news and doncha know, all they can talk about is this Franny and Freddy. Well, I don’t know who these people are or why our liberal run government seems to think they deserve of gosh darn money but I can tell you that there are good, decent, heterosexual people who need that money a whole lot more. I mean, Lord, I do alright. I am a not hurting like poor little broken Sue but I do have student loans. That University of Florida is not cheap. And I’m gosh darn proud of those two years, but Lord knows I’m still paying for them.

So I am urging each and every one of you readers to write a letter to your elected official and tell them you will not stand for our hard earned tax dollars to be spent on homo-sin-uality and European “values.” Give that money to the people that deserve it. Cause they have student loans to pay. And socks to buy, if you’re Sue.

[Edith Falin has since been fired from Nonsense News]

Popularity: 6% []

Random Post

City to Introduce Virus Protection Computer Condoms

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – City officials unveiled a plan Wednesday to cut down on the number of computers infected with viruses by making computer condoms free to the public.

Very similar to the condoms we all know and love, computer condoms will…

Read the Full Story

Nonsense News is a collection of fake news articles. If you find the stories within to be funny, strange, crazy or just plain weird, that's because they're false, not real, and definitely not to be believed. Our headlines are made up, our quotes are misquoted, and our reports are fabricated... in short, this website is for entertainment purposes only.