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Man-Who-Cried-‘Vacation Deal’ Not Believed

Vacation Deal

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA – Martin Bow, who claims to be the winner of a Sweeties™ cereal box vacation package, was not believed by his coworkers this week when he announced that he would not be coming into work during the last two weeks in May, but would instead be in Miami, enjoying a luxury 2-star hotel and touring Disneyworld.

Early last Monday, after digging through his cereal and finding no toy, Martin hurriedly removed the plastic bag full of cereal and cut open the box. Finding the word ‘winner’ on the inside, Martin was overjoyed. He sent the box-top back to the company and immediately started looking up fun things to do in Miami. But his announcement the next day at work was greeted with outright skepticism.

“He’s always trying to pull this shit,” Gloria Perez, a colleague at the computer software company where Martin works, told reporters. “Last year, only after, like, two months of working here, he came in all excited ‘cause he won a trip to Las Vegas for a week. He even showed us pictures of it, but I know he didn’t go. He just photoshopped himself onto film stills from Fear and Loathing.”

Peter Yoshenko, another colleague, said, “Martin told me he won a radio sweepstakes to fly down to San Diego for a Silverchair concert, but I looked it up and the show never even happened.”

Former girlfriend Mary Hernandez provides further insight into Martin’s strange compulsion: “He once told me his mom won a free trip for two to British Columbia from the top of a can of tuna. I didn’t see him for two weeks and then when he ‘came back,’ he said he had met somebody up there and that we were through. As far as I was concerned, we had been through ever since I saw his mom buying 10 boxes of fruit rollups at the supermarket the week before.”

“He eats a lot of fruit rollups,” she added.

Martin, 26, continues to deny having invented free vacations to avoid work or other responsibilities. He maintains that he did, in fact, win all of the sweepstakes mentioned, just that sometimes the companies sponsoring them didn’t come through in the end and, in an effort to save face, Martin was forced into stretching the truth. He doesn’t cover them all up, however, he is adamant in pointing out.

“Silverchair was rad. Everyone at work was just jealous,” he said.

In an interview with Martin’s parents, his mother was not surprised at her son’s behavior. She blamed her husband for humoring Martin’s strange excuses at an early age.

“I was just so tickled that this little kid would say he couldn’t take a bath because he had to fly to Egypt for a free vacation at what, 9:00 at night?,” Mr. Bow said. “I guess now I see that I may have caused some inadvertant damage, but how could I have known he would keep using that same made-up excuse into early adulthood? What can I do about it at this point?”

Mrs. Bow suggested he could confront Martin about the issue and tell him he would be thrown out of the house if he lied about a vacation again, to which Mr. Bow replied, “Aaaaah,” and threw his hands in a downward motion.

Martin has complete faith that the Sweeties™ corporation will come through and says he is still planning on going on his Miami vacation even if it means quitting his job.

“And even if I don’t end up going, I have a bunch of work to do on my avatar, so it’s not like a total loss,” he said.

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